The Weekly Encourager – June 2, 2016 – How's Your Marriage?

To my unmarried readers: please don't think this doesn't apply to you! If you're in a relationship now, this can benefit you as well. If you're not in a relationship but would like to have one in the future, read this with open eyes. It may help you see what to look for in a committed loving partner.

A friend sent me this “Examination of Conscience for Married Persons” from a Catholic document entitled, “The Two Shall Become One: The Sacrament of Reconciliation and Marriage.” It begins with wise words, “God calls most men and women to the married vocation. This is a great honor and an immense challenge. To fulfill this marvelous calling we need Christ’s help; we need his Spirit’s power.”

To aid in self-examination, there are questions in four areas: your responsibilities to God, to your spouse, to your children, and to society. I thought the questions about marriage were particularly good, so I'm sharing most of them here for contemplation. It's valuable to do a check-up every so often, confessing our sins to God and resting in the abundant forgiveness of Christ as we seek His help to improve.

• Have I cared for my spouse?

• Have I been generous with my time?

• Have I been affectionate and loving?

• Have I told my spouse that I love him or her?

• Have I been concerned about the spiritual well-being of my spouse?

• Have I listened to my spouse?

• Have I paid attention to his or her concerns, worries, and problems? Have I sought these out?

• Have I allowed resentments and bitterness toward my spouse to take root in my mind? Have I nurtured these?

• Have I forgiven my spouse for the wrongs he or she has committed against me?

• Have I allowed misunderstanding, miscommunication or accidents to cause anger and mistrust?

• Have I nurtured critical and negative thoughts about my spouse?

• Have I manipulated my spouse in order to get my own way?

• Have I tried to bully or overpower my spouse?

• Have I spoken sharply or sarcastically to my spouse?

• Have I spoken in a demeaning or negative way?

• Have I injured my spouse through taunting and negative teasing?

• Have I called my spouse harsh names or used language that is not respectful?

• Have I physically abused my spouse?

• Have I gossiped about my spouse?

• Have I undermined the authority and dignity of my spouse through disrespect and rebelliousness?

• Have I been moody and sullen?

• Have I bickered with my spouse out of stubbornness and selfishness?

• Have I lied or been deceitful to my spouse?

• Have I misused sexuality?

• Have I been loving and physically affectionate in my sexual relations?

• Have I flirted or fostered improper relationships with someone else, either in my mind or through words and actions?

• Have I committed adultery?

• Have I misused alcohol or drugs?

• Have I been financially responsible?

This is quite a list!  As my husband said, “Marriage is more about partnership than personal fulfillment, but there is fulfillment in being part of a good team.”

Here's a classic definition of love. “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.” - 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

God is love,
j

“Examination of Conscience for Married Persons” was written by Fr. Thomas Weinandy.