The Encourager – Correcting Others in Christ

Two friends contacted me this week for advice about situations involving whether or not to correct another sister in Christ. The Scripture encourages us to “bear with one another,” and we know that “love covers a multitude of sins,” but it also says, if you see someone going down the wrong path, kindly try to bring him back. “Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.” – Galatians 6:1

How do we decide whether or when to say something? I try to use three principles in deciding whether or not to correct another believer: prayer, proper authority, and propinquity.

Is it more loving to put up with someone’s continual sin or to call them out? It depends. Have you prayed for the person, asking God for His wisdom and timing? Do you have spiritual authority over that person? Are you close to that person (close family or friend)?

Case #1: Friend A has a woman B in her church who uses foul language regularly and interrupts the pastor’s sermon every single Sunday. Certainly, my friend is praying for this sister in Christ, but she is not in authority over her. It would be the job of the pastor who is constantly being interrupted during public worship to correct B. (I can’t believe he hasn’t done so already!) If there are elders or other leaders in the church, they might also speak to the woman. If B were a child, her parents should correct her. If married, her own husband could speak to her. Thirdly, if friend A knows this disruptive woman B well, she may sit down and talk with her as a close friend and peer, sister-to-sister. Hopefully, whoever speaks with B would do it privately, prayerfully, humbly, and gently, pointing out the Bible verses which address the specific issues in question.

Then if B is a true believer, we would expect that she would confess her sin and make a sincere effort to change these bad habits, with the help of the Holy Spirit (we can’t do it on our own!) and without making prideful excuses. Her fellow church members could aid her in this by gentle reminders. The next time she calls out during a sermon, the pastor could say something like, “Sister B, I welcome your comments after the service.” The next time she uses curse words in conversation, my friend A could say, “I’m sorry, I don’t want to hear curse words. Can you say this in a different way?” All involved would let B know that she is loved and also accountable.

Case #2: Friend C leads a local group which is part of a large Christian association. Member D of her local group is struggling with a serious issue: D’s child is transgender and she is conflicted. She is crying out to the Lord in prayer, asking Him to bring her child back to Biblical principles, yet also calling the child “they/them” and wearing pride shirts. A higher authority in the Christian organization is asking my friend C to confront D about her sin and remove D from the group. Now I’m very sure that C is praying for D and her child. (As a side note, the fact that D feels safe enough to share her many difficult emotions with the group tells me that C is doing a great job as a leader.) However, C is not in spiritual authority over D. She is not this lady’s pastor, elder, or husband. She has organizational authority, which is not the same thing. Nor is she a close personal friend – yet.

C is creating a safe space for people to open up and share real concerns, and she is developing ongoing relationships with women in her group. Hopefully, there will come a time in the future when C feels close enough to D that troublesome issues can be addressed on a peer-to-peer basis, as a loving sister in Christ who has demonstrated care for D over time. Meanwhile, D is really struggling; she needs prayer and support from other Christians. I can’t imagine the pain in her heart! If D were in fact sinning by using “they” and wearing a pride shirt (no doubt trying to show love to her child but confused), what would Jesus do? He touched the untouchable lepers, He didn’t avoid them! He approached the unapproachable, He didn’t cast them aside! He spoke with prostitutes, embezzlers, and murderers, offering forgiveness and new life. If one of those sinners came to Jesus’ meeting, I am confident that He would not have kicked them out! He would want them to stay and hear truth proclaimed and see it in action. Jesus would lovingly befriend the person in order to have opportunity to touch the heart. I believe He would enfold this dear suffering mother in His arms and let her weep. He would love on her. Then He would gently tell her that there are better ways to show love to her child.

These are only a few thoughts on the larger issue of correction in the Body of Christ. I’ll have more to say later. If you have thoughts on what I’ve written, please feel free to share them in the Comments section below, so we can all benefit from the discussion. Thank you!

God is faithful,
j