The Weekly Encourager – March 10, 2017 – A Special Occasion

Today I am addressing you younger moms, especially you who are so serious about raising your child well. As Christian parents, of course you have a godly desire to raise good kids who will love the Lord. Your dedication is admirable. In addition, as parents in the internet age, you are bombarded with massive amounts of information, advice, and warnings from many sources. Naturally you want to do the best you can, but there's an overwhelming sense of guilt when you feel you don't measure up.

I'm like you: serious, devoted, responsible, organized, maybe a bit rigid. So when Dave and I were raising our sons, I was task-oriented. I read up on godly parenting and made sure I knew all the latest wisdom from the experts. I established rules and got my kids onto a good schedule for their benefit and ours. A predictable day gives a child security and establishes healthy habits for the future.

But I also found that bending the rules at times may actually make for better kids and a happier mom. The main thing is that YOU, not the child, get to decide when to bend or break the rules. Perhaps you're with family or friends you don't get to see often. Perhaps the child is sick, or you are sick. Maybe it's a holiday or someone's birthday. Maybe you're on a trip. Or it's one of those days when life has thrown an unexpected trial your way, or an unexpected opportunity to experience something new. You make sure that your child knows the rules, but as a parent, you get to make exceptions for “a special occasion.”

A younger mom (in her 30s) told me this story last week: she was training her baby to follow a regular feeding and sleep schedule, which is a good thing. During a rare visit with her in-laws, the mom had just gotten the child to sleep, when the grandfather asked if he could hold the baby. The new mother said, “No, baby needs to sleep now.” I think many of us have done this, and many have later regretted that relentless insistence upon the rules. That mom now realizes that her precious baby would have been just fine missing a few minutes of sleep, or even a whole nap, on that “special occasion.” Moreover, she could have been a channel of God's blessing to her father-in-law.

A grandmother (in her 60s) told me this story: she was visiting her daughter, who is very religious about “doing everything right” in childrearing. When Grandma was putting her grandchild into the crib at nap time, apparently the way she laid baby down was not in accordance with the latest medical advice, for there was a severe reaction from the young mom! How much better if the young mom could have just relaxed for a moment, trusted God with her baby's welfare, and shown loving respect to her own mother who was trying to help. After Grandma left the room, mom could have shifted baby to a different position. What could have been a “special occasion” of blessing turned into a stressful time for everyone; if mom's upset, the whole house is upset.

To you younger parents who are so serious that you've become anxious, I say, let go, relax a bit. Realize that giving up some of your standards is not the end of the world, but a re-ordering of priorities. A perfect schedule is a good thing, but not God's top priority. A completed list is a good thing, but not God's top priority. A perfectly clean house is a good thing, but not God's top priority. Excessive concern with the wisdom of experts is not godly, but reverence for the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Seek God first, and He will make your path plain. I want to tell you what a wise older parent told me when I was raising young toddlers: you are okay, you're doing a good job, it's enough. Trust in God, who gave you that child.

Oh, the perils of perfectionism! Let me assure you, no matter how hard you try, you will NOT raise perfect children! You are a sinner who got together with another sinner to produce little sinners. It's natural to feel burdened with the constant chore of caring for others. But you were not designed to do this alone. Jesus calls you, “Come to Me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” - Matthew 11:28-29. Your ministry now is to care for spouse and children, but not in your own strength. God gives us great burdens so that we have no choice but to lean on Him. Anxiety and guilt are two of the burdens we are not to bear. Leave them at the foot of the Cross. You are loved just as you are.

God is faithful and good,
j