The Weekly Encourager – March 12, 2020 – I Am an Addict

March 12, 2020 by Janet A. Marney

Confession: I am an addict. If you’re new to The Encourager, this may not be what you were expecting to read, but those of you who have known me for a while know that I’m a straight shooter.

I’m not addicted to drugs, alcohol, or tobacco, but to approval. That’s right, I’m an approval junkie. Because of my early life experiences, I am very familiar with constant criticism, rejection, abuse, and abandonment. My past has colored everything I am today, in good ways and bad. For various reasons, I’m always looking for the approval I didn’t feel from my family. Now that my mother has been dead for many years, and both my father and my brother live far away, I’m not looking so much for their approval any more. I am looking for the approval of everyone else in my life.

The Holy Spirit has been doing a deep work in me during these past few weeks. The series of sermons on Jonah was very convicting. There was the second fall on my knee, with a new realization that, as Jonah had his vain idols, I had made an idol of my health. “It is from God alone that you have your life through Christ Jesus.” I Corinthians 1:30 On our recent church women’s retreat, I heard speaker Melissa Kruger talk about coveting vs. contentment. I took several pages of notes, as many things she said hit home. Signing up for the retreat, I didn’t think I personally had much of a problem with envy. Then she started breaking it down into categories and giving examples of each, and BAM! The Lord was revealing things I had buried in the back closet of my heart.

Kruger discussed several areas in which we covet (more on that later), but the one that hit me the most during the retreat was “gifts and abilities.” Be honest: have you ever longed to have someone else’s gift or skill? We know that God gives each of us gifts that are blessings from His generous nature. The gifts are meant to edify and enable the church. In other words, if I have a talent in music, I need to be using that gift in some way to lift up other believers, so that they draw closer to Christ. If I’m a good organizer, I can plan events to facilitate fellowship. And so on. I do have these gifts, and I do use them to encourage others. However, I also sometimes brag about my gifts. It may be very bold or very subtle, depending on the situation, but I’m finally admitting this publicly for the first time. Sin flourishes in secrecy, so let’s get this out there! I’m addicted to approval.

With the retreat revelations still swirling in my mind, something else has come to the forefront. Communication with a good friend has become more difficult, even painful at times. As I get to know this friend better, it turns out that we have a lot in common in terms of our life experiences, interests, worldview, abilities, personality, etc. She’s a sincere Christian woman with much to offer, but her gifts have not always been noticed, appreciated, or welcomed. She was also abused and abandoned in her youth. Guess what?! We’re both dying for approval. So when we’re together, it’s easy to interpret things through that filter. If she explains something to me more than once, I think she’s insulting my intelligence. If I have to explain something to her more than once, I feel like she doesn’t believe me. And on it goes. Rather than cooperating, we’re competing for attention. I don’t think the scripture about “iron sharpening iron” means that my baggage keeps bumping into her baggage, but maybe so. LOL

I’m willing to admit that everyone needs approval, but some of us are more messed up than others in this area. The Lord is kindly and gently showing me that my need for approval can lead to boasting in my abilities. Boasting implies that I myself had something to do with my abilities, rather than them being gifts from God which He could retract at any time. My need for approval can also lead to comparing my gifts with others’ gifts, which is one short step away from coveting, rather than being content with my lot in life. Coveting implies that the all-powerful God is not being good to me. It’s my pride judging God’s actions and character. It’s assuming that God doesn’t love me as much as the other person, because He gave me the “elven rope” rather than the “shiny daggers.”

Do you see how it’s bad either way? I desperately need to be noticed-appreciated-accepted-admired-respected-approved-liked-loved. Hello, social media!! The Apostle Paul said, “For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.” Romans 12:3 An approval junkie can swing both ways. If I boast, I am thinking more highly of myself than I ought to think. But if I covet, I am thinking too lowly of myself, until it becomes a pity party – then I’m thinking too highly again. Thus the pattern of addiction and sin.

We need to be valued. If I boast, I am coveting the glory of God! I am asking that I receive the glory myself for God’s good gifts. But if I wrongly desire the talent, situation, possessions, relationship, or anything else that another person has, then I am coveting the gifts of God! Coveting either God’s glory or His gifts is a fearsome thought. Not only does that break the Tenth Commandment (Exodus 20:17), that was Satan’s sin when he was cast out of the Garden. Woe unto me!

Thanks be to God for salvation in Jesus Christ! He alone is the One whose approval each person truly longs for, truly needs. I don’t need the false idol of man’s approval, but the life-changing truth of God’s approval of me in Christ. I need to soak myself in Scripture, not self-adulation or self-condemnation. A Christian retailer sells a necklace with four words on it: Created, Chosen, Celebrated, Cherished. They call this necklace “God’s Heart for You.” Well, that sums it up. God’s heart for me is love. He loved me while I was dead in trespasses and sin. He brought me up out of a miry pit and set me on solid ground, that I might shine for His glory. Satan was cast out of God’s presence for sin; but I, fully guilty of the same sin, am brought into God’s presence by the Cross. Thank You, Jesus! Because of Your great sacrifice, my life has eternal value. I have all that I need. I want for nothing.

A hymn by Stuart Townend says, “I will not boast in anything: no gifts, no power, no wisdom. But I will boast in Jesus Christ, His death and resurrection. Why should I gain from His reward? I cannot give an answer. But this I know with all my heart: His wounds have paid my ransom.”

God is faithful,
j

The Weekly Encourager – March 3, 2020 – Christian Friendship

March 03, 2020 by Janet A. Marney

No sooner had I (just about) recovered from the latest injury to my left knee, than my husband Dave injured his left knee! Thank you to those who prayed for my recovery, as I’m now doing much better and walking around well! But, while I was out of town for a couple of days, Dave apparently got up the wrong way from his chair at work and pulled or twisted something quite painfully. So yesterday, we were back in the same walk-in clinic we visited a few days ago, except that this time, it was me driving and helping him get there, rather than him helping me.

In God’s providence, I had recently read this Scripture: “Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up.” - Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 Our marriage has proved this passage true yet again, as one of us literally helps the other up when he falls down. If you’re married, hopefully you also know this reality in your marriage. If this is not true, ideally you are working toward that goal.

But what if you’re not married? Single people have the same need for someone to help them up when they fall. I’m not just talking about literal falls, but the ups and downs of life in general. Do you have someone that you know is there for you no matter what? Perhaps you have a sibling, trusted neighbor, or good friend. It’s my firm belief that one of God’s greatest blessings in this life is the communion of saints in Christ. Even though I am happily married, my husband cannot meet all my needs for friendship and fellowship. There are some things that are more easily discussed with Christian sisters. As women, they understand things that the dearest husband cannot. For those who are single, these friendships are even more important.

I strongly encourage every believer to seek out deep friendships, especially same-sex ones. A few weeks ago, I wrote about my “falling world,” but the truth is that every one of us lives in a falling world. Even if we’re not falling physically, we’re still subject to great temptation by the world, the flesh, and the devil. “Prone to wander, Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love” sums it up. We each have our weaknesses. Thank God for Jesus, the “friend that sticks closer than a brother!” We can always go to Him in prayer. But we were made to live in community with other believers, our blood brothers and sisters in Christ. Do you have someone who could help you as you struggle with addiction, pornography, depression, gossip, or envy? Is there a friend you could call when you need a ride or a meal or a sounding board? And let’s not expect our pastors to be everyone’s best friend.

Christ Himself is the Head, “from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.” - Ephesians 4:16 The “joints” are our individual friendships in Christ. As each relationship grows in depth and commitment, the whole body is strengthened. As two of us are open with one another, weep together, and rejoice together, my continuing loving friendship with a sister in the Lord benefits the whole church!

If you don’t yet have such a friend, your local church would be the first place to start. Join a small group Bible study or fellowship group. Volunteer to serve in some way. Whether it’s teaching children, cooking meals, trimming bushes, or blessing the needy, service provides opportunities to meet people with similar interests. Go to retreats or conferences when they are offered. Participate in group dinners and other events outside the Sunday morning services. As you do these things, pray that the Lord will guide you to someone with whom you can have a healthy supportive friendship. He will provide! And keep an open mind, for the friend He brings may not be who you expected. Trust in the Lord - He may surprise you.

Heavenly Father, I pray that You will provide to each of your children at least one true friend in the faith. Since this is an essential part of our walk with You, we trust that You will guide us to those whom we can help, and those who can help us grow in Christian love, faith, and purity. We ask this for our good and Your glory, for our hope is in Jesus alone. Amen.

God is faithful,
j

The Weekly Encourager – February 20, 2020 – Idols Insight

February 19, 2020 by Janet A. Marney

Our church has been going through the book of Jonah. One Sunday, Pastor Rob Yancey preached on Jonah 2:8. “Those who pay regard to vain idols forsake their hope of steadfast love.” I jotted down the verse, thinking, “check, got it.” Rob said that an idol is whatever we trust in that is not God. What do I feel I need for satisfaction? What do I believe I couldn’t live without? As he listed various things that could become idols, I thought either, “Oh, that’s not a problem for me,” or “Oh, I’m already praying about that one.” Exactly three days later, I fell. Each time I fall, I ask the Lord to teach me whatever He wishes through it. My belief is that if the same trial keeps happening over and over, there must be something I haven’t learned yet.

As the sermon continued, Rob asserted that “There is only one Throne,” meaning that God alone is worthy of worship. Then he encouraged personal application: name your idols, confess your idols, then replace your idols by finding a superior object of worship (God). Jonah’s prayer ends with the acknowledgement that “Salvation belongs to the Lord.” Jonah 2:9 It all seemed pretty straightforward as I noted each point in my journal. I never dreamed I’d be reading over those notes again so soon, while resting in bed after my fall.

As I lay there in pain, my eyes fell on those notes and I saw things in a new light. What?! The Spirit showed me that I’ve made an idol out of my good health! I’ve been so healthy and fit for most of my life, that I’ve begun to be proud of that fact and brag about it, as if it were all my own doing. The painful truth is that my good health is temporary. Life and health come only from the Creator, and they can be taken away at any time. In a moment, I can slip on a yoga mat to my dismay, or slip down the side of a cliff to my death. Any day I wake up is a day to thank the Lord.

Then this passage came up in my morning devotional: “In my prosperity I said, ‘This is forever, nothing can stop me now! The Lord has shown me his favor. He has made me steady as a mountain.’ Then, Lord, you turned your face away from me and cut off your river of blessings. Suddenly my courage was gone….Hear me, Lord. Oh, have pity and help me.” - Psalm 30:6-10 TLB How appropriate to my condition: so confident, yet so clueless. He is King of kings and Lord of lords! Nothing else deserves to sit on that throne, whether it’s physical health, relationships, entertainment, or self-control.

What are my other idols? What are your idols? I have learned that the Lord will take away that which we idolize, that which we value more than Him. It happened to Jonah, and it can happen to us. He loves us too much to allow idols to take over our lives.

“Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!” - Psalm 139:23-24 ESV

God is faithful,
j

The Weekly Encourager – February 13, 2020 – Thorn in the Flesh

February 14, 2020 by Janet A. Marney

After last week’s Encourager about my “falling world,” a dear lady emailed me saying she was “sorry to hear about your repeating episodes with falls” but “even sorrier to read between the lines of your post and learn that a) you considered it your problem to resolve! and that b) to that end you’d spent and apparently will spend a considerable amount of time in an effort ‘to be perfect’.... as if GOD himself were not your Creator!...All of us are made imperfectly in man’s eyes so that our love and actions in Christ can be projected into a ‘man made/defined perfect culture’ – can better reflect the glory of who GOD is and ‘what it means’ to live in HIS LOVE and under HIS WATCHFUL EYE. As I see it, your ‘condition’ (as polite society would call it) is GOD’s special gift for you to use to please Him.”

After answering her letter, I wondered if others got the same impression from my last Encourager. If so, I'm sorry. Of course God created me! Of course I accept that He made each of us as individuals, for His own good reasons. Of course His hand did not slip when He created me or anyone else! But we do live in a fallen world, a world full of sin, suffering, and pain.

I believe that it's fine for Christians to do anything appropriate to resolve medical problems, so I do visit the doctor, go to Physical Therapy, take medicine, etc. I also prepare by trying to exercise regularly, eat healthy food, and get plenty of sleep. Although our holy God exhorts us to "Be perfect, as I am perfect," I believe that's a goal to strive for, rather than something to be achieved in this life. Certainly any progress made toward that lofty goal is the result of God's grace in my life, not my own power to fix myself. As Paul says, I boast in my weaknesses, for when I am weak, He is strong. (2 Corinthians 12) This pattern of falling repeatedly, which could be considered "a thorn in the flesh," is something that the Lord has used time and time again to teach me valuable lessons, so I would not wish it away. Being forced to depend more on Him leads to greater humility and growth in Christ. Each time it happens, I feel His love even more.

Naturally, as we go through various trials, we not only grow ourselves, but become witnesses to a watching world. For example, when I got cancer in May 2017, everyone at my exercise classes knew I had cancer, and they also knew I was a Christian. Many people were watching to see how I would react. The fact that I had such solid faith and trust in God's plan (even if I were to die that summer from cancer) was a testimony that several people remarked on. They were all amazed at the joy I showed each time I saw them. God used that cancer in a mighty way which I never could have done on my own. The joy I felt was real, and it overflowed to those around me; but I never forgot that every drop came from God's heavenly storehouse, not my own goodness. My cup overflowed with the love, mercy, wisdom, protection, and kindness of my loving Heavenly Father.

That cancer experience was part of my journey heavenward, and hopefully part of seed-sowing in others' hearts. I find it interesting that this latest fall happened actually in one of those classes, so everyone there saw my tears and heard me say, "I can't believe this is happening again." Everyone there saw me at my weakest moment (I almost passed out), and I think that was part of God's plan. Not only must I be humbled, but nonbelievers need to see that Christians fall, and Christians are weak. We don't have it all together! So when I talk about Christ Jesus meeting my needs, it means more to them than if I lived the "perfect life" with no hardship or sorrow.

Paul was given a thorn in the flesh. Jesus Christ was given a crown of thorns. Christ counts me worthy to share in His sufferings. I praise God through the pain.

God is faithful,
j

The Weekly Encourager – February 6, 2020 – Falling World

February 06, 2020 by Janet A. Marney

Well, I fell again yesterday, on the same knee in the same place as before. So discouraging, when I had almost recovered from the previous injury (April) and surgery (August). Rhetorical questions abound.

Why is this happening again?! I have literally lost count of the number of times I’ve fallen over the years and ended up with broken bones or serious sprains or, in 2019, a torn meniscus and eventual meniscectomy (after much delay). Yes, I could say I’m naturally clumsy, my feet are way too small for my height (short levers are unstable), the yoga mat I slipped on had lost its stickiness and needed to be retired, etc. Most curiously, I had a strange feeling that morning that I was a little out of it and I should stay home from Pilates! Whether that was the Holy Spirit talking or a gut feeling, why didn’t I listen? Simply because I’ve been so happy getting back to all my exercise classes. I said, “I need to get strong again. I can do this! #girlpower” In fact, only a few hours before, I had told my prayer partner that everything was going very well in my life. I felt good, I was accomplishing my goals, I was healthy and thankful for many good things. Then I had to go and fall the very next morning. Coincidence?

As a Christian, I believe there is no such thing as coincidence. Ultimately, why does any bad thing happen? The answer is that we live in a fallen world (and for me, that means a falling world). Because of sin, we have injuries and diseases and crime and abuse and pride and stupidity and grief. And these things hurt! One of the reasons I didn’t write many Encouragers over the summer was because I was in so much pain for many months. Here’s an excerpt from my journal from July 7, 2019.

“After being so healthy and fit for most of my life, it’s hard to deal with chronic pain in my knees. There are nights when pain keeps me awake, and I cry out to the Lord, ‘Lord, take it away!’ How insignificant is my puny pain compared with Jesus on the cross! He, too, asked for the cup of pain to be taken away, but God said no. That unfathomable cup was destined to be part of Jesus’ journey. How can I be thankful in all things? Even in pain? Even in being sidelined from most of my regular activities? Yet, as Spurgeon said, ‘I have learned to kiss the wave that throws me against the Rock of Ages.’ I just hate to be limited in any way (which is why I never wanted to get drunk). I always want to be in full control of all my powers. But this is illusion. I’ve never been in control. Mind blown.”

J.I. Packer wrote, “The author of Ecclesiastes has taught me that it is folly to suppose that you can plan life and master it, and you will get hurt if you try. You must acknowledge the sovereignty of God and leave the wisdom to Him.” Over and over again, the Lord is showing me that I’m not actually in charge of my own life. For the last couple of weeks, as I’ve been almost fully recovered, I’ve had renewed energy to tackle my work and achieve good goals. I finally finished a quilt that was started many years ago, and I learned that two other quilts were juried into a major quilt show. Yay! Now being on bedrest means I have to cancel things right and left. I probably won’t be able to go see that major show in February, or take our other long-planned trip in March. Bummer.

Good news, bad news. My goals, His goals. Evidently there’s something I need to learn from falling, because it keeps happening. One of the worst parts is the big guilt I feel at having to ask my husband to come home from work to take me to the doctor, especially knowing he’s particularly needed at his job right now, and he’s frustrated that the work project is not coming together as planned. The last thing I want to do is to take him away from work and make him wait on me! Both of us are highly independent and avoid asking others for help. Well, we have a lot of pride around here. And we all know that pride goeth before a fall.

As I’ve been reading Revelation, the overall theme I’m seeing is that Jesus is “King of kings and Lord of lords.” Here’s a key verse I’ve been meditating on: “‘I am the Alpha and the Omega,’ says the Lord God, ‘who is, and who was, and who is to come, the Almighty.’” He knows the present, past, and future, and He superintends it all. He has that kind of power and control over all of history. Guess what? I’m not in control. He alone is worthy of our eternal praise. Let us fall down before the Throne of Grace and seek His face.

God is faithful,
j

The Weekly Encourager – January 30, 2020 – Toxic People

February 01, 2020 by Janet A. Marney

What do you do about toxic people in your life? Endure or eject?

The following statement and similar ones have been going around social media. “You don’t ever have to feel guilty about removing toxic people from your life. It doesn’t matter whether someone is a relative, romantic interest, employer, childhood friend, or a new acquaintance. You don’t have to make room for people who cause you pain or make you feel small. It’s one thing if a person owns up to their behavior and makes an effort to change. But if a person disregards your feelings, ignores your boundaries, and continues to treat you in a harmful way, they need to go.” - attributed to Daniell Koepke.

I posted this quote on Facebook with my comment, “Struggling with this. As a Christian, I am called to love my neighbor and even my enemy. But what form does that love take? Does love happen at the expense of my own health? Where is the line that makes leaving the only option?”

I’ve been getting lots of responses.

Corrie Johnston said, “I've been wrestling with this for a while now! This phrase ‘removing toxic people from your life’ is SO popular... maybe even trendy?... right now and I see so many lovely Christian women posting quotes telling us all to just cut those toxic people right out of our lives. But I don't know about that... it doesn't seem like a Christlike way to respond to others. Loving unlovable people is exactly what a Christian should be doing and often times that does mean you might get hurt in return. But shouldn't we be following Christ's example? He loved the ones who crucified Him! When people hurt us in return, we have the Holy Spirit tending to our wounds and filling us with a grace that isn't our own. But I also agree that there may be some boundaries to think through when loving others so as not to enable sinful behavior. It's a topic I've been thinking about a lot recently!”

Doug Orr suggests, “Cannot we remove toxic people from our life yet continue to ‘love’ them from afar with no daily interaction that leads to toxicity?”

Another friend agrees, “I think you can love someone without putting yourself at risk. If it’s an abusive relationship, I don’t think that God would want you to put yourself in a bad situation. We are not, after all, Jesus. We can love from afar, and forgive from afar, but avoid people that will harm us.”

Dave Marney offers a parable, “We could use the analogy of rescuing a drowning swimmer. When a person is drowning, they will grab on to the rescuer and pull them down with them. You have to turn them backwards to tow them back to safety. Basically, you have to help them at arm's length.”

David Locher expands on that, “Sometimes the right answer is to ‘love from afar.’ I don't disagree this can be wise counsel. I'd just add what I think many implicitly mean: that it also isn't always the answer. Love is not simply an attitude or feeling we can have from afar. Sometimes (not always), to be loving we also have to be close. Even when someone is toxic, and even when we get hurt. Sometimes we're to sacrifice ourselves for others. It's something I don't do enough. I also recognize that setting boundaries is important. After all, even Jesus withdrew from the crowds at times. This is a tough question, and I'm inclined to think there is no simple answer. But I also think that just by asking the question, you're focusing on the right thing: how do I best appropriately love others? [We should have] that question as a guiding principle.”

Laurie Fitz shares, “My older brother has been encouraging me to explore the idea of ‘caring’ without ‘carrying.’ Toxic folks demand an unrealistic ‘support’ from us that depletes us: carrying or what we think is ‘helping’ may only perpetuate the toxicity. Sometimes the most loving thing to do is ‘not carry’ the toxicity. It is not yours and it is wrong for them to ask you to drink the poison. When Jesus approached the lame man at the Bethesda pool and saw him lying there, and knew that he already had been in that condition a long time, He said to him, ‘Do you want to be made well?’ So Jesus knew that this was a person who lived with his misery a long time and Jesus wanted to discern, do you really want to be well or are you pulling me into a ‘pattern’ of performing an assigned role/task that you have pulled in others to do. To me, this is asking, do you want a new story or do you want to hold on to your current story and cast me into a role in your story?...So often we want to carry the toxic people in our lives into the healing pool. It exhausts us and nothing changes. The burden of carrying the toxic person to the healing pool becomes overwhelming and we can lose ourselves in the process.” Laurie points out that Jesus asked the man to carry his own mat, then He left the scene.

Jessie Lease brings up an important point, “We show them Jesus in the messiness of life -- ours and theirs. He's come to bring healing to the sick, renewed strength for the weary, heal the brokenhearted, hope for the lost. As God's ambassadors, we are told we need to expect trials and ambush attempts if we walk close to Him. There's a time to ... and a time to refrain from ... Our job is to hear, know, and heed the Master's voice.”

Monique Strasser reminds us that “lots of prayer needs to go with this.”

----------------------

After pondering these many excellent points, here are some further thoughts.

God has seen fit to put toxic people in my life. How do I show respect and honor to someone, especially if they are older or in a position of authority, even though they have done and said terrible things to me and show no sign of sorrow whatsoever? What if the toxic people are close relatives? Obviously, if they’re going around wounding people, it’s likely that they’ve been wounded themselves. Are we to be like the pharisees and just leave them in the ditch?

In some cases, we may be called to be the Good Samaritan and help rescue the difficult person, by treating him kindly and taking him to get help. However, helping someone who treats you like dirt takes a lot of spiritual maturity. You must be strong enough in faith to trust God to protect you from attack. You must be able to erect strong boundaries to avoid permanent damage to yourself. And you have to recognize when someone does not want your help, and then leave it in God’s hands.

In other cases, we may be called to walk away. A friend told me of her in-laws’ acrimony toward her from the moment the engagement was announced. They’ve continued to hurt her for decades, and she’s just now realizing it’s not her fault! In her particular case, I suggested she may wish to withdraw and not visit them any more. It’s too bad her husband’s family must be reduced to a Christmas card relationship, but she needs to protect her health.

It’s harder when it’s a family member. Everyone knows deep down that family is supposed to be that safe place where you are loved as you are, and people try to treat one another well (and apologize when they don’t). When you have to say goodbye to a toxic family member, the loss feels like a death. You were born connected to this person, and now you feel like one of your limbs is being torn off, and not in a clean surgical setting. It’s just as hard when it’s a member of your church, because you are blindsided by what you never expected of Christ’s loving community. I know from painful personal experience that there is ongoing grief either way.

Yet I also know from personal experience that God is expert at bringing good out of evil. Sometimes we are called to suffer patiently, while crying out to the Lord for relief (Joseph, Sarah, Moses, Job, Paul, etc.). Jesus preached, “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven; for in the same way they persecuted the prophets before you.” As I’ve said before, God gives the hardest tests to the best students. His plan may include learning to deal with a toxic person in a way that honors God and becomes an important testimony to others. I don’t have all the answers, but here is where I would start: diligently pray, search the Scriptures, and get wise counsel from those who are spiritually more mature. Put on your own oxygen mask before attempting to help others.

I welcome your comments below.

God is faithful,
j

The Weekly Encourager – August 30, 2019 – Theological Disagreements Among Believers

August 30, 2019 by Janet A. Marney

What happens when you have a difference of opinion? Well, that’s easy if you’re discussing ice cream flavors, but what if it’s a theological issue being discussed among brothers and sisters in Christ?

A Bible study group I’m in has chosen to study the book of Revelation this year, starting next week. Understandably, this is a courageous move. I know mature godly ministers who are reluctant to preach/teach on this book, due to all the confusing content. Revelation is filled with fantastic events and images, but are they past, present, or future? Is every image to be taken wholly literally since the Bible is inerrant, or are some things symbolic since Jesus often speaks in parables? If you’ve been a believer for any length of time, you know that there are many different interpretations of the same passages of Scripture.

One of the reasons I’ve been hesitant to study Revelation before is that I didn’t feel I was mature enough in Christ. Well, I’m 62 years old now, and I shouldn’t be shying away from studying a book that promises a blessing to its hearers. If not now, when? All Scripture is profitable, and I need to profit from whatever God says in that book. It’s a gift from God that I want to open and enjoy! I’m not going to leave a Christmas gift forgotten under the tree. The second reason is that discussing it can lead to divisive arguments rather than uplifting encouragement; however, the book we’re using as a study guide seems designed to use Revelation to worship God. The author focuses on what unites us rather than on what can divide us. The third thing that gives me confidence in studying Revelation now is that I believe this particular group of women will be thoughtful and kind to one another as we go.

That said, before our study begins, I’m taking the opportunity to read up on various viewpoints, so I’ll be prepared when we get to the relevant passages. With such a complicated book of the Bible, I don’t expect everyone to agree 100% on everything in it. I’m not even sure yet what I believe about some of it. I am going to approach this book prayerfully, engaging both mind and heart, before coming to conclusions about difficult passages.

This is the approach I recommend when having theological debates with other believers. Before you start, pray together! Recognize that you are speaking with those for whom Christ died. Make love your highest aim, not winning an argument. Let the fruit of the Spirit be seen in abundance. No yelling! Listen carefully to alternate points of view – you just might learn something. Lovingly accept brothers in Christ who differ.

Also, be able to defend your view from Scripture alone, not just from church tradition. Yes, we rightly respect those in authority over us, but we also test everything that they say according to the Bible, as the Bereans did (Acts 17:11). It’s not enough to say that Pastor A or Professor B or Elder C or Teacher D told you so. A wise teacher can give us a good place to start, but then we must do our own research. In the end, each person is called to follow Christ.

Our attitude must be one of humility, always willing to be corrected in future. Consider the other as more important than yourself. Never let disagreement destroy unity, for that would not honor Christ. Of course you can quietly try to convince others that your view is correct, but you do so with patience, tenderness, and respect. You are sensitive to appropriate time and place, as well as the age, condition, and relative position of the other party. Godly men and women are strong but gentle, confident but careful. A mature Christian knows that he won’t need to bang the truth into people’s heads. The truth will speak for itself if you are in the Spirit. Those who speak by the Spirit obey the two great commandments: love God and love one another.

“But the goal of our instruction is love from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.” - I Timothy 1:5

Just some thoughts. As usual, I welcome your comments.

God is faithful,
j

The Weekly Encourager – July 16, 2019 – The Value of Mercy

July 16, 2019 by Janet A. Marney

How valuable is mercy in your life? Today we have a guest author, my husband Davide Marney, who posted the following on Facebook:

Last night I was struggling in a dream over a memory of a bad thing that had happened to me many years ago. In the Bible, Satan is identified as the accuser – so much so that his very name means "The Accuser."

I think Satan wants us to hold on to our bad memories. He wants us to comfort ourselves with them like a child hugging his knees and feeling sorry for himself.

But God has given us hands big enough to only hold on to either His mercy or our self-centeredness. To hold on to past sins is to reject His forgiveness of the one who hurt you.

As Jesus said, treat others the way you wish they would treat you. If I had sinned against another and had repented of it and sought their forgiveness, I would want them to forgive me. I would want it with my whole heart.

Thank God we have a way out! Without mercy none of us would stand.

By Dave Marney

Shortly after reading this, a verse came up in my daily devotional reading. “Lord, if you keep in mind our sins, then who can ever get an answer to his prayers? But you forgive! What an awesome thing this is!” - Psalm 130:3-4 TLB

Heavenly Father, whenever we feel shame over our own past sins or sorrow over the sins of others, remind us that “The LORD is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.” - Psalm 145:8 ESV Your mercy is beyond what we can imagine, even "in our wildest dreams."

May our hearts be rich in that most valuable of commodities, mercy.

God is faithful,
j

The Weekly Encourager – December 27, 2018 – Ring Out, Wild Bells

December 27, 2018 by Janet A. Marney

As 2018 draws to a close, some of us are grieving the loss of loved ones. Others are disturbed by the direction our society is moving in, dismayed by the seeming loss of Christian virtues. This stirring poem by Alfred, Lord Tennyson (published in 1850, as he grieved not only the loss of his dear friend, but social injustice in his country) seems particularly appropriate for this week between Christmas and New Year's.

Ring Out, Wild Bells

Ring out, wild bells, to the wild sky,

The flying cloud, the frosty light:

The year is dying in the night;

Ring out, wild bells, and let him die.

Ring out the old, ring in the new,

Ring, happy bells, across the snow:

The year is going, let him go;

Ring out the false, ring in the true.

Ring out the grief that saps the mind

For those that here we see no more;

Ring out the feud of rich and poor,

Ring in redress to all mankind.

Ring out a slowly dying cause,

And ancient forms of party strife;

Ring in the nobler modes of life,

With sweeter manners, purer laws.

Ring out the want, the care, the sin,

The faithless coldness of the times;

Ring out, ring out my mournful rhymes

But ring the fuller minstrel in.

Ring out false pride in place and blood,

The civic slander and the spite;

Ring in the love of truth and right,

Ring in the common love of good.

Ring out old shapes of foul disease;

Ring out the narrowing lust of gold;

Ring out the thousand wars of old,

Ring in the thousand years of peace.

Ring in the valiant man and free,

The larger heart, the kindlier hand;

Ring out the darkness of the land,

Ring in the Christ that is to be.

- Alfred, Lord Tennyson

As we approach a new year, let us do so with renewed hope in Jesus Christ. He alone can console us in our private grief. “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” - Psalm 34:18 ESV. Know that “God who began the good work within you will keep right on helping you grow in his grace until his task within you is finally finished on that day when Jesus Christ returns.” - Philippians 1:6 TLB.

Christ alone can bring kindness, cooperation, and equity to the nations. “Look at my Servant...he will proclaim justice to the nations.” - Matthew 12:18 NLT. As 2019 begins, let's renew our commitment to pray regularly for all those in authority. “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” - Galatians 6:9 ESV.

Know that Christ will strengthen us, the weak yet faithful, until He comes again to wipe away every tear and to reign in glory forever. Thanks be to God!

Happy New Year!

The Weekly Encourager – December 21, 2018 – The Christmas Marathon

December 21, 2018 by Janet A. Marney

Are you running the Christmas Marathon? Between planning, decorating, shopping, wrapping, making, cleaning, cooking, baking, hosting, serving, singing, greeting, visiting, writing, sending, etc., most of us are pretty busy this time of year. There will always more to do, yet we can make the choice to do less. For many years, I've made a conscious decision to drop some activities in order to have a little more time to rest and think about the significance of this holiday. What I don't need is more Christmas lights. What I do need is more of Jesus, who is the Light.

Last Sunday the Scripture reading at our church was a beautiful juxtaposition of old and new testaments. I'd like to share these verses here from John 1 and Isaiah 9.

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through Him, and without Him was not anything made that was made. In Him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness, on them has light shone.

And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us.

For unto us a child is born, to us a son is given.

And we have seen His glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth.

And His name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

For from His fulness we have all received, grace upon grace.

What a beautiful interweaving of prophecy and fulfillment. An artist depicted a similar interweaving in her amazing portrait of the Virgin Mary consoling Eve. Eve is depicted as downcast, holding the remains of an apple in one hand, with a serpent winding around her legs. By contrast, Mary is shown smiling, fully pregnant with Jesus, with the head of the serpent under her foot. One hand is resting on Eve's shoulder, while the other guides Eve's hand to feel the divine child move in the womb. The sorrow and shame of Eve is wonderfully contrasted with the mercy and hope of Mary. This is Genesis 3 in action. Come, Thou long-expected Jesus, born to set Thy people free!

This portrait has been especially meaningful to me lately, as I've been cast down with the horrible effects of my own sin: how I hurt others and myself, and how poorly I reflect the light of Christ to the world. This is one reason why I haven't written many Encouragers for several months. I just feel like, I'm such a sinner, how can I possibly encourage someone else? Then, I finally wrote the Gender Bender piece, which I recently learned was not encouraging, but discouraging to two people dear to me. Therefore, seeing the portrait of Eve and Mary for the first time was a balm to my wounded soul.

The beauty of Christmas is that Jesus left all the glory of His heavenly home to come to earth as a child and die as a man. He did this for me, a sinner. Have you ever thought about how long that journey must have been? That's the Real Christmas Marathon.

Thank You, Lord Jesus, for hope! For forgiveness! For such a great love! As I think of You running such a great distance for me, equip me to run my own race with endurance, carrying the shining torch of Joy!

Merry Christmas!
j

To see the portrait “Virgin Mary and Eve” by Sister Grace Remington, visit https://www.monasterycandy.com/Detail?prod=99

The Weekly Encourager – December 14, 2018 – Little Things Mean a Lot

December 14, 2018 by Janet A. Marney

Today's Encourager features a guest writer, Davide Marney. He writes about The Small Jewel of Christmas.

"Recently a good friend of mine did me a favor, for no other reason than they knew I would like it. Sounds simple, doesn’t it? Happens every day. Friends do nice things for their friends all the time.

"But it just so happens that in this case, the favor was totally unlooked for, in an area that I never expected to experience again.

"Imagine walking out onto a forested mountain slope recently flattened by some huge natural catastrophe such as a volcanic eruption. Everything around you as far as your eye can see is moonscape, complete devastation. Then, as you step over a tree, you come upon a single flower growing in a crook of a branch.

"At that moment you realize in a flash that this entire mountainside is going to be covered in forest again. That one, little flower is not just a sign of hope, it’s proof. That flower is a promise, an unstoppable promise of what will be.

"The Small is the Large.

"The entire universe, the largest thing we can ever know, is in fact made up of the smallest particles. The creation of the very first particle is the real miracle of creation. Out of it flowed all that we are and know. From nothing to something.

"This is the point of a Baby Jesus. He is the small jewel of Christmas, the unstoppable promise of what will be. The seed is the future of the tree. You can hold it in the palm of your hand, even hide it deep in the soil, but it will grow and cover the earth.

"Every small act of kindness is a jewel. To restore one relationship; to speak one kind word; to grant one mercy; to forgive one slight; these are the small jewels of Christmas. These are the seeds that are planted by God within our hearts.

"Merry Christmas, everyone. May you shine like stars in the smallest – and most meaningful -- of ways."

- By Davide Marney

What my husband wrote ties in well with last week's sermon by Pastor James Forsyth. In his exposition of Micah 5:1-5, James noted the contrast between little Bethlehem, an irrelevant town in the middle of nowhere, and the largeness of Jesus, who came to be our Shepherd, Security, and Peace. God takes what is little and uses it for great things, to show bright flashes of His glory.

While listening to this sermon, I thought of a dear friend whose life, by God's providence, is particularly challenging right now. I wrote her what I hoped would be words of encouragement. But then I thought of several other people who are going through their own difficult trials. And somehow, the Christmas holidays seem to magnify their impact.

Here's what I wrote to my friend; see if it applies to you. "Pondering Bethlehem's insignificance, I immediately thought of your situation. You've indicated that you feel that way now – that no one listens to you or is aware of what you desperately need, that you feel invisible, unappreciated, even unloved.

"But, viewed in the light of Eternity, you have been chosen to share in the sufferings of Christ! He also was neglected, ignored, misunderstood, betrayed, mistreated, cursed, despised, and rejected, and by His own family and close friends! Hearing this sermon reminded me that you have been given the great privilege to follow in His footsteps.

"Therefore I say God has some great plan for your life to be an influence which we cannot begin to fathom at this time. You will shine forth the light of Christ from the very suffering you endure now. You will be His witness. Believe it. Your very 'insignificance' in the eyes of the world is what will make your testimony bright. You will NEVER be insignificant to God. You are one who is beloved by the King of Glory. You will give glory to God and sing to His praise, even if you have to croak it out with your dying breath. 'Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so.' Believe it. You have been crucified with Christ. You are no longer living for yourself, but for the One who loves you with an everlasting love."

This Christmas, I am praying that we all may see the Light in the midst of darkness, the Large in the midst of the mundane. I have this quote by Helen Keller on my frig: "I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks as if they were great and noble.” Press on, noble saints! Keep on doing what is right, and don't be discouraged. Read God's word and pray each day, then tackle the To-Do list. Your little day has a much larger purpose for a much larger God.

God is faithful,
j

As always, I welcome your comments below.

To hear the sermon by Pastor James Forsyth, visit
http://mcleanpres.org/sermon/2-the-bethlehem-candle/

The Weekly Encourager – September 24, 2018 – Gender Bender?

September 24, 2018 by Janet A. Marney

I apologize in advance, for today I'm going to share thoughts on a controversial topic: homosexuality and “gender reassignment.” I know that in many circles this is politically incorrect, but sometimes as Christians we are called upon to speak the truth. Read or delete as you wish.

I start with this irrefutable fact: “God created man in His own image...male and female He created them….God saw all that He had made, and behold it was very good.” - Genesis 1: 27, 31. Just let this soak in.

I'm not an expert on the topic, but here's what God says, “Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” - I Corinthians 6: 9-11 ESV

Note that, after listing a bunch of sinful lifestyles, the Bible says, “And such were some of you.” It doesn't say, “such ARE some of you,” but “such WERE some of you,” indicating that they have changed, by God's grace. Every one of us is a sinner, so we can't judge homosexuals as being any worse than idolaters, thieves, or drunkards. We still love these people just as much. BUT, those who have met Jesus and chosen to follow Him will repent of evil and try to reform bad habits with the help of the Holy Spirit. Yes, we slip and fall into old patterns sometimes, but our hearts have been changed in a fundamental way. These sinful acts are no longer our chosen lifestyle, but aberrations we regret. The church is made up of sinners of every stripe who are not perfect, but forgiven. We have received mercy, thus we have a new desire to live righteous lives which bring glory to God. Therefore, if we have homosexual thoughts, we try not to act upon them, but direct our minds to something else. If we are alcoholics who feel like getting drunk, we step away from the bar.

I know several teenagers and young adults personally who are “identifying” as homosexuals and/or pursuing changes in gender. By the way, most of these dear children come from “good Christian homes” with parents who believe in Christ. These parents have tried to live by faith and raise their kids in the faith. I cannot begin to understand the grief of these parents, who are my dear friends. My heart goes out to you, and my prayers go up to God on your behalf. My love for you and your children remains as strong as ever.

What's happening to these young people is beyond sad. And it's just Wrong. No matter what you do to your body, you can't change your DNA. This is a scientific fact. Therefore, I cannot bring myself to call a boy “she” or a girl “he.” I could change my name to Butch S. Manly, get surgery, take hormones, act like a man, and dress like a man, but I will never BE a man inside. Every cell in my body cries out, “I am a woman.” “Gender reassignment” is ridiculous on the face of it. God gives gender assignments, not people. If you are required to pass a Spanish class and the teacher gives you the assignment to learn a certain set of Spanish verbs, you don't answer back, “No, I'd rather learn some Chinese verbs instead.” It should be obvious that the teacher gives the assignment, not the student. Our job as students is to do the work to get comfortable with those verbs, to practice and become fluent in the assigned language, whether it's our first choice or not.

The underlying problem here is not the child's gender, but the overall unhappiness with his/her life in a sinful world. Most often, the person seeking a gender change is depressed and not getting help for it. The person believes that changing gender will be the solution to his/her problems. Often, the child is going through the typical “I don't fit in” feelings of youth. They struggle with perfectly normal feelings of not belonging, being rejected by peers, etc. As parents, teachers, mentors, coaches, relatives, and friends, our role is to help these struggling children to navigate the difficult phases of growing up. At the risk of being overly simplistic, we do this by providing unconditional love along with positive male and female role models. We must foster an environment where the child feels safe and accepted, loved and listened to. We must help the child find his/her God-given gifts, so that he/she can feel the satisfaction of doing something well, finding some place to fit in. We also must provide age-appropriate rules and boundaries, with firm discipline when necessary. We get pastoral or professional help when needed. No matter what our fallen world says, we never let the child set his own agenda. That is a fool rearing a fool.

I am reminded of a young boy I know, who got up early one Saturday and ate an entire box of a dozen donuts himself. His parents awoke in time to see their son vomit up the sugary treats. I assure you that if he had asked first if he could eat a dozen donuts in one sitting, his parents would have refused. A parent is given the responsibility of helping the child distinguish between Want and Need. Train the child in the right way to go, so he/she can make healthy choices later. We can't give a child everything a child wants, but we try to give everything a child needs.

Our role is to help these sad children to find Jesus, for He alone holds the answers. He alone can give meaning to life, ease real suffering, and bring joy to troubled hearts. Even if a child asks for a stone (thinking it to be a box of donuts), good parents will give him nourishing whole-grain bread. As the Proverbs say, there is a way which looks appealing to a person, but it leads to death. Remember Adam and Eve, the original disobedient children. Trying to become the opposite sex is like eating a bad apple full of worms or a box of donuts which will make you vomit over and over. Eating a stone will only drag you down further. Suicide rates are twenty times greater in people who have artificially “re-assigned” their gender through surgery.

Sometimes it's an issue of authority. Remember that we have been given the sacred duty to supervise and superintend our kids' growing years. We must cultivate healthy relationships with the children God has placed in our lives, so that they are able to confide in us. We are wiser than they. We try to cultivate good sense and emotional awareness, so that they can make wise decisions as they mature. We must build trust. We must build faith. We must affirm, encourage, and celebrate the gender God chose for them.

What if it's too late? If you are a parent, this situation may not be your fault, but a result of living in a broken world. It's never too late to change your relationship with your child. Get godly help. For your child, this may not be his/her fault, but a result of living in a broken world. It's never too late for God to change a heart. Get godly help.

In any case, keep on praying, for God is faithful. Keep on loving the person, no matter what, yet speak Biblical truth and maintain boundaries. Refuse to call good evil and evil good. Truth is a part of love. Maintain your integrity, finding your strength in the Lord, who is our only Rock. Stay close to the Lord, His word, and His people. These are the same things we all must do to fight our daily battles. Stand firm! God is more than able to overcome any problem, to forgive any sin, to reach any reprobate. “They who trust Him wholly, find Him wholly true.” - Frances R. Havergal.

Have hope! Remember that love covers a multitude of sins. Above all, do not hate sinners, but love them to Christ.

God is faithful,
j

For further reading: http://www.thepublicdiscourse.com/2015/06/15145/

The Weekly Encourager – September 5, 2018 – God's Timing is Perfect

September 05, 2018 by Janet A. Marney

It's been a long time since I've posted here, but today I have some encouragement that needs to be shared. After all, the Scriptures remind us to tell others what God has done.

I mentioned a while back that my husband Dave lost his job last Thanksgiving. Due to a change in management at that company, Dave's department was mostly eliminated. This was bad news: a 61-year-old white male losing his job right before the holidays, with no guarantee that he'd ever get a similar position again. Although he was not excited about it, that was the job that Dave had planned to do until retirement. But God had other plans.

Of course no one was hiring during the holidays, so Dave ended up out of work for four months in total. During that time he kept a daily job journal and spent a fair amount of time in God's Word, prayer, and self-examination. What a wonderful opportunity to reboot his life! It was a time of spiritual growth. One of the fruits of this time was the decision to make a major life change via bariatric surgery. Thus he began the long process of preparation and paperwork. It's important to note that if he had not been laid off, he would not have had time or energy for all this.

Meanwhile, he accepted a temporary job for six months with low pay and no benefits. As the six months were ending, the employer was impressed with his work and broadened the scope of the project, asking Dave to renew for another six months. Dave reluctantly agreed, but told them that, after that additional period, he would seek something more commensurate with his abilities and experience. A week later they called him to say that they had created a new position for him! This would be a permanent job with more appropriate salary and some benefits, too.

In answer to our prayers, Dave was approved for the surgery under COBRA and was able to schedule it just at the end of the first six-month contract! Therefore, he had two weeks of (unpaid) recovery time before beginning his new permanent role. God is so good!

The surgery went well, with lots of prayer support from many Christian friends. Yesterday, Dave had his two-week follow-up appointments, and the doctors were very pleased with his progress. He's healing well and feeling well! Yay! I've been so impressed with his dedication to the new program of healthy diet and exercise. He's lost 35 pounds since the spring, his blood sugar is in the normal range, and he looks much better. We even took a two-day getaway together.

After the doctor visits yesterday, he took the metro downtown to begin the new job. Interesting note: our new medical insurance does NOT COVER bariatric surgery, so it's a good thing he had it done while still on COBRA. We are so grateful for the job loss last November that led to this chain of events. God's timing is perfect.

These verses from Psalm 118 seem to sum up our situation now:

“The Lord is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation.
Glad songs of salvation are in the tents of the righteous….
The right hand of the Lord does valiantly!
I shall not die, but I shall live and recount the deeds of the Lord.
The Lord has disciplined me severely, but he has not given me over to death.
Open to me the gates of righteousness that I may enter through them and give thanks to the Lord….
Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, and his steadfast love endures forever!”
- from Psalm 118 ESV

How much happier we pilgrims would be if we would just remember that everything God brings is for our good! What may look like a huge stumbling block in our way can turn out to be the hill we climb that strengthens our legs for new hikes ahead. God loves us! We shall not die, but live to tell the story! If we fall into a pit, the Lord's arm is strong enough to pull us out. God loves us with an everlasting love! His covenant love, bought with the blood of Christ, endures forever.

Gracious Father, help us to trust in You despite huge obstacles in our path. Teach us to give thanks in all things as we walk along day by day. Remind us to share Your good deeds with others whom You have placed in our path. Fill our hearts with joy that we may sing praise to You!

God is faithful,
j

The Weekly Encourager – June 8, 2018 – Resolve Relationships

June 08, 2018 by Janet A. Marney

“If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men.” - Romans 12:18 NASB

I'm featuring a guest author today, a young woman whose father just passed away. What she said really struck a chord with me because I've been struggling with a situation in which a relative has deeply hurt and betrayed me. Although I've tried to show love and respect over the years, there's an emotional distance between us. Just this week, I've been wondering whether I should call this person and try again to resolve things before it's too late. Here's what my friend wrote about her father:

Lots going through my mind and heart currently. Definitely sad that our relationship was in disrepair, and we had not spoken in years. Glad that when I did think of him (which was often) that I was able to pray for him and chose to keep moving forward, hoping that one day everything would work out. Unfortunately, pride and hurt feelings got in the way so much so that he couldn't bring himself share the news [of her father's very aggressive cancer] with me himself. It saddens my heart greatly that whatever got in the way, Dad felt he couldn't share the news with me personally.

I'm grateful for my friend who shared the awful news with me. I know first hand that wasn't easy as I had to deliver the news to my grandparents who are still going strong at 80+ years of age. Delivering bad news is the worst!

I'm thankful for voicemail as I wouldn't have had another way to contact my Dad or his wife to at least let them know I was thinking of them and praying for them. And I'm thankful that in the end my stepmother graciously called to give me the news of my father's death first hand. I know it wasn't easy for her and the worst news no matter how long you are apart!

So with all that said, no matter what kind of family crap anyone may be dealing with: anger, hurt feelings, resentment... in the end none of it is worth getting in the way of choosing to let go of the past long enough to express forgiveness and love to one another.

There's a lot I could be angry over. Many sins committed against me by my father that only Jesus and a few people close to me are aware of. The truth is hard to take sometimes and it's not always easy for others to want to hear or even try and understand. With all that's happened, what I have learned through this long process of silence is that forgiveness and love are always the key! Pride is killer and comes to naught!

Life is hard sometimes and it can be hard to forgive. Forgiveness is a choice, a daily choice in fact, regardless of past mistakes. The enemy will use old mistakes and memories to cut you up and keep you spinning in circles away from the light if we allow it. So it's imperative to stay vigilant and choose to keep forgiving and loving one another.

Love and forgiveness do NOT mean you should over look mistreatment or that it's ok to overstep boundaries. But love and forgiveness DO mean you should still care, pray for the other, do your best to leave the door open for when peace is possible so when that time comes you can work together for positive changes. And in the meantime while you wait for enough healing to happen to start taking those positive steps forward, it's always important to do self care and work on changing what you can control, yourself.

My only wish is that in the end Dad really understood my door was open and that I still cared for him. Although I did relay that long ago to him, sometimes it's hard to hear when feelings are hurt. So I hope he knew it.

I'm sad that he missed out on so much, especially his grandkids. But I know that Jesus has it all under control and His plan is perfect. So what may not be repaired here on earth, may be repaired later after life.

I will never forget how fun he was, his love of music, word play, theater, singing, our time driving in the "rolling speaker," love of sci-fi movies, Dr. Who, running and many other things! I've been able to share so may cool things with my kids because of what Dad shared with me through the years. And I am thankful he is out of pain and at peace now. I love you forever Daddy!

Is there a relationship you need to resolve? “Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.” - Romans 12:18 NLT

God is faithful,
j

Excerpt written by Leigh Hamlet Ingham, June 5, 2018, on Facebook. Used with permission.

The Weekly Encourager – March 27, 2018 – Why?

March 27, 2018 by Janet A. Marney

As we reflect upon Christ's journey to the Cross, may this song by Michael Card deepen our devotion.

Give thanks to the Lord, for He embodies love, mercy, and all goodness forever.
j

Why

By Michael Card

Why did it have to be a friend
Who chose to betray the Lord
Why did he use a kiss to show them
That's not what a kiss is for

Only a friend can betray a friend
A stranger has nothing to gain
And only a friend comes close enough
To ever cause so much pain

And why did there have to be thorny
Crown pressed upon His head
It should have been a royal one
Made of jewels and gold instead

It had to be a crown of thorns
Because in this life that we live
For all who would seek to love
A thorn is all the world has to give

And why did there have to be
A heavy cross He was made to bear
And why did they nail His feet and hands
When His love would have held Him there

It was a cross for on a cross
A thief was supposed to pay
And Jesus had come into the world
To steal every heart away

Yes, Jesus had come into the world
To steal every heart away

The Weekly Encourager – March 20, 2018 – Two Days Later...A Long-shot

March 20, 2018 by Janet A. Marney

We don't know what God is doing, but we know He is good.

If you read last week's post, you learned that my husband did not get the “perfect” job he was hoping to get on Wednesday, but we were still humbly trusting God to provide. Just two days later, on Friday, Dave got an interview for a six-month temporary job with a different organization. On his way out the door, he told me it was “a long-shot,” which the dictionary defines as “a venture or guess that has only the slightest chance of succeeding or being accurate.” After the discouraging news of 48 hours previous, he didn't want to get our hopes up. Well, guess what? The Friday interview lasted two hours, then an hour later he got the call that he was hired. “Can you start on Monday?”

Besides being good news, this whole experience brings to mind the Good News. Would you believe that a little baby born to poor parents in a stable would be able to forgive our sins? This certainly fits the definition of a long-shot! But God had a good plan. “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, declares the Lord. For as high as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts that your thoughts.” - Isaiah 55:8-9 The Jews of Jesus' day expected a royal Messiah who would conquer the Roman government and bring peace and prosperity. Even the most faithful believers of that time could not anticipate God's plan to save them by sending His Son to die on a cross at the hands of Roman soldiers. People wanted victory over men, but God gave victory over sin, Satan, and even death. People wanted diplomatic peace in their community, but God gave permanent peace with Him spiritually. People wanted worldly prosperity, but God gave heavenly riches beyond all measure, and for eternity. Yeah, I'd say God had a different plan, and it was far better than human minds could conceive.

Let this be an example to us. His ways are higher, so we don't always know what God is doing! I've been studying the Sermon on the Mount, and Jesus' words are resonating as never before. Blessed are the poor in spirit (the humble), blessed are those who mourn (for their sin), blessed are the meek, blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness. Do you want to know how to live as a Christian in hard times? Here it is, spoken by Jesus Himself, “Thy will be done.” True godliness cannot exist apart from a humble heart. This heart submits graciously and gratefully to whatever our Father sends, be it disappointment, tragedy, loss, poverty, or any sort of humiliation. Yes, any sort of humiliation! If we are discouraged, we need look no further than the Cross of Christ, and His humiliation on our behalf.

We don't know what God is doing. He may allow us a glimpse at times. For example, during these past four jobless months, God had a different “job” for my husband: to grow in Christ. This down time has allowed Dave to explore some issues in more depth than before. He told me that the Lord convicted him of an attitude that needed changing in order to conform to what God desires. In a different area, Dave made an important decision because he had time to think it through. Third, Dave started a job seekers group that has been meeting here weekly to encourage and pray for one another. He was even blessed to be able to provide direct help to enable one friend to get two part-time jobs! (Both jobs were long-shots, by the way.)

We don't know what God is doing. The job that seemed a sure thing didn't come through, and the job that seemed a long-shot did. The baby that looked like a “loser” was revealed as Lord of All. Our job is not to know everything God is doing, but to be faithful in doing what we know we need to do. Our job is not to tell God what we think is best, but to humbly bend the knee to His decree. Our job is not to grumble, but to be thankful in everything.

“But I have trusted in Thy lovingkindness; my heart shall rejoice in Thy salvation. I will sing to the Lord, because He has dealt bountifully with me.” - Psalm 13:5-6

God is faithful,
j

The Weekly Encourager – March 14, 2018 – When God Says No

March 14, 2018 by Janet A. Marney

Dave did not get the job. This was quite a let-down since he was one of the final two candidates, and the position seemed “perfect” for him. Here's what he wrote today to a person who had given him a recommendation, “I just heard yesterday that I do not get the position. I wish they hadn't taken a full month to reach that decision, but it was a very cool opportunity. You know me, I'm always 110% in, so I gave it everything I had, no regrets. On to the next!”

Although his tone was upbeat, I can tell you that when we found out last night we were both sad and tired. Dave had worked really hard preparing for all the interviews. He spent many hours researching the company and many more hours developing a new web site to show what he could do for them. So many people have been praying faithfully, which has been a big encouragement to him over the last four months, but God said No to our request. Again.

I know we're not the only ones who have prayed in faith and worked diligently for a worthy goal. Some of you have been in far worse situations. I know one man who loved a woman and wanted to marry her. He was one of the final two candidates, but the woman chose the other man. God said No to our friend. Why? Was it a lack of faith on this man's part? Not enough prayer power?

The apostle Paul pleaded with the Lord for healing, but the Lord said No. Was Paul a man who could have had his wish granted if only he had enough faith? No, Paul was a giant of faith, held up for our example. And then there's Jesus. In the garden, the Lord Jesus pleaded with God to take away the horrible agony of the cross, but God said No. Was Jesus low on faith? Did he not have enough friends praying for him? That is laughable. Jesus was fully God, and therefore the ultimate example of true faith in His heavenly Father. Friends, if anyone preaches to you that you can have anything you want if only you pray hard enough with real faith, reject that false doctrine!

Nowhere in the Bible does God promise He will give us everything we want. What He does promise is that He will give us everything we need. Nowhere in the Bible does God promise His people perfect happiness, but He does promise perfect holiness. We are being refined. God will use whatever process He deems appropriate to work holiness into us. That job seemed “perfect” for Dave from our perspective, but it obviously wasn't perfect from God's perspective. What we need most is not the perfect job, perfect spouse, perfect health, or perfect house, but perfect holiness. God's ways are higher; His plans are divine. He who began a good work in us will complete it, and we will find our joy in Christ alone and give Him the glory. We will thank Him for every No answer!!

This season of waiting has been a test of our faith. Will we stay close to the Lord and keep on trusting Him to provide? Will we learn humility and contentment? All I know is that last night I heard my husband thank God for this latest No answer, and I agreed with that prayer. It's not always easy to be thankful in all things, especially when the answer is No. But then the Scripture reminds us that God is a faithful and good Father who loves us. He always does what is best for His children, even if it's trudging through the wilderness for forty years...or four months. We can trust in Him! And if we have Christ, we have all we need.

God is faithful,
j

The Weekly Encourager – February 16, 2018 – Lessons from David vs. Goliath

February 16, 2018 by Janet A. Marney

Guest writer today! I have not been able to write for a while, but my husband has been writing about what he's learning through his job search. Today I'll share his thoughts about the account of David vs. Goliath in 1 Samuel 17. I hope we are all encouraged to fight our giants with God on our side!

Be Bold and Unafraid

“Saul replied to David, 'You aren't able to go against this Philistine and fight him! You're just a boy!' David replied to Saul, 'Your servant has been a shepherd for his father's flock. Whenever a lion or bear would come and carry off a sheep from the flock, I would go out after it, strike it down, and rescue the sheep from its mouth...Your servant has struck down both the lion and the bear. This uncircumcised Philistine will be just like one of them.'”

Fear saps the will.The longer the job search stretches on, the more you begin to think there is something wrong with you, people don't want you, that you are insufficient or defective. But this is not how David acted. When facing a difficulty, he stepped out and set things right, bold and unafraid.

David knew that the past is prologue. We, too, need to learn to draw on our past victories and remind ourselves that there is something "there" there. As David drew a parallel between killing a bear, a lion, and Goliath, so we need to draw a parallel from a past job we've done well or a past difficulty we overcame, and our job to be. If we did it once, we can do it again.

Likewise, we have to overcome the discomfort of having to always put ourselves "out there", meeting new people, introducing ourselves, explaining our accomplishments, and all the rest. It's uncomfortable because we don't like bragging about ourselves, and we like to stick with who and what we already know. But when the bear drags your sheep out of your own field, you have to go after it! Take up your staff, run to meet your challenge, and snatch it back, right out of its very jaws, if need be.

Be Yourself

“Then Saul clothed David with his own fighting attire... but he was not used to them. David said to Saul, 'I can't walk in these things, for I'm not used to them.' So David removed them. He took his staff in his hand, picked out five smooth stones from the stream ... took his sling in hand, and approached the Philistine.”

Especially when preparing for an interview, don't try to second-guess what people will ask you, or what you think they are looking for. Be ready with what you know, your own version of a staff and smooth stones, and then use them at the time they are needed, just as you always have in the past.

Try not to rehearse in your mind how the conversation is going to go: she'll say THIS, and I'll respond with THAT, etc. While it's good to have some sense of what will be discussed, being over-scripted is like wearing someone else's armor, shield, and sword. It can't help but come off as being clumsy and inept.

Have your OWN reasons for fighting for the job you are interviewing for, and be prepared to let your own stones fly when the time is right.

Look With The Eyes Of God, Not Man

“When the Philistine looked carefully at David, he despised him….The Philistine said to David, 'Am I a dog, that you are coming after me with sticks?' But David replied to the Philistine, 'You are coming against me with sword and spear and javelin. But I am coming against you in name of the Lord of hosts, the God of Israel's armies ... This very day the Lord will deliver you into my hand! ... and all the assembly will know that it is not by sword or spear that the Lord saves! For the battle is the Lord's, and he will deliver you into our hand.'”

An extended job search is a crucible, a time of testing. If you are a sincere believer, it will drive you to your knees in prayer and supplication. At the same time, you are being bombarded with advice on how to build your job seeking network, how to craft the perfect resume, how to ace that interview, how to leverage the vast resources of the Internet, not to mention the anxious queries of all your Christian friends and family members.

All those things are swords, spears, and javelins. They are useful but not necessary instruments of God's plan of salvation. God can get you a job using nothing more than a casual remark, or a shared request for prayer. God wants you to be faithful in all the small things so you can experience to the full all the means of His grace.

God is in command of your future. The job you are getting is something he desires you to have so that you might do good works. It is not by stint of our attempting to be perfect that God brings blessings. He brings them because he loves us, He wants to deliver us, He delights in showing us grace.

God cares about relationships above all things, especially our relationship to Him, and our relationship to one another. It may be that God is getting you a new job because He wants you to be salt and light to someone. It may be that God is making you go through the experience of losing and finding a job so your own heart might be softened up and you can grow closer to him.

We need to look with the eyes of God on our situation, not with the eyes of the world.

Yes, You Have To Fight! But God Gives The Victory

“The Philistine drew steadily close to David to attack him, while David quickly ran toward the battle line to attack the Philistine....David prevailed over the Philistine with just the sling and the stone. He struck down the Philistine and killed him. David did not even have a sword in his hand.”

When we are confronted with something that must be overcome, then we must fight. We must gather up our courage, collect our smooth stones and advance right into the teeth of adversity. We should do all that we have prepared to do to get the job. But God gives the victory. Not us.

Look at it this way: if God did NOT want you to have a particular job, is there any power on heaven or earth who could thwart His will in the matter? Impossible! And the reverse is equally true. When Paul teaches in Romans 8:28 that "all things work together for good for those who love God", note he doesn't say that things will just fall into our laps. Rather, he says all things "work together" for good. We are to keep on working.

God delights in small acts of humble obedience. He delights in taking our puny efforts and achieving great things through them, not so much by them. He does so, I suspect, because he respects us as people made in his own image, people who make and do and create. We are not just puppets on a string.

So, we must advance, boldly and unafraid, using our own gifts as God has provisioned us, seeing with the eyes of God, not man, trusting to Him the victory, and trusting that He will, indeed, work all things together for our good.

The Weekly Encourager – January 10, 2018 – Joy in Thankfulness

January 10, 2018 by Janet A. Marney

If you slip in the mud and fall down, what is your first thought? Earlier today I slipped and fell. Being fully aware of my past history of breaks and sprains, my first thought was, “Thank You, Lord, that I didn't break anything or sprain anything this time.” The human tendency we all share is to be angry, upset, or annoyed when something bad happens. But over the past couple of years, God has been teaching me a different tendency. A habit of thankfulness has transformed my life, leading to so much joy!

After acknowledging God's goodness to me in that nothing was broken, it was only a few steps away to think of many more reasons to be thankful. First, I was glad that I had just read an article on “how to fall safely” so I remembered to fall on the “meat” of my body rather than on a bone. There's plenty of meat to fall on since I'm so well fed. Although all my clothes got muddy, how fortunate that this is not my only outfit: I have other clean clothes to put on. And how nice that I have a washer to do the job, and electricity to run it. Knowing that many people around the world struggle to find clean water, I already thank God on a regular basis for the blessing of fresh water. Mud in the yard means that the ice has melted, and I do appreciate warmer temperatures after the frigid weather we've had. Also, having a yard in the first place is a great gift from God. I could go on, but you get the idea.

I was not born with the tendency to be thankful. I was born with original sin like everyone else, plus I grew up in a family that tended toward negativity. But that was my family of origin. My new family is the family of God, those who are called by Jesus Christ to live in a radically different way, a way of life absolutely transformed by grace. He who has begun a good work in me is bringing it to pass, molding godly character, changing my heart and mind. Not feeling it? We can't do it on our own, but we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. He is the one who gives the ability to be thankful, yet our obedience plays a part.

Being thankful is a discipline. The more I read and study the Bible, the more I learn about God's love, power, wisdom, kindness, mercy, and every other fine aspect of His holy nature. The more I learn, the more I pray that I will see His character at work in my own life. The more I ask God for eyes to see His supreme beauty, the more I see. The more I see, the more I thank Him. God inhabits the praises of His people, so when I thank Him, I feel Him right there with me, filling my upheld cup with joy. I have just begun to learn how central thanksgiving is to the Christian life. Thankfulness is the cup held out to receive whatever the Lord brings. It is confident trust that whatever happens, be it a simple fall in the mud today or cancer last spring, it comes from the hand of God, because He is sovereign. It is an essential part of my journey and therefore to be sanctified unto Him. And because He is not just sovereign, but good (always and forever), how blessed we are to receive each thing from such a loving Father!

His mercies are new every morning. Shouldn't our thankfulness be new every morning, too? This is how we find God in the tough situations, by small but heartfelt acknowledgments of gifts He is happy to bestow. And when He's happy, we're happy! Over a year ago, I began posting a positive quote on Facebook each morning – my own tiny effort to counteract some of the harsh political posts of others. After a couple of months of that, I started posting “inspiring art of the day” and got an overwhelming reaction. People didn't want more quotes. People love to see these works of art. Our world can be so ugly, so full of hate, that people are longing for the good, the true, and the beautiful. They are crying out for justice, compassion, rightness, honesty, respect, cleanliness, hope. We as Christians have a wonderful opportunity to bring beauty to our little corner, wherever God has placed us. We can draw people's eyes up. But we are unfit to lift the eyes of others if our own eyes are stuck on the ground.

He brought me up out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a Rock. God pulled me out of a deep muddy hole when He called me to be His own. He has given such beautiful blessings that I can't help but thank Him from the heart. He continues to bless every day of my life. Let him who has eyes to see contemplate the perfect essence of God in all things, for He holds it all together, and it's all about Him. May our first thought be thankfulness each day, each hour, each moment. May we open our hearts to receive all the good gifts of the One who loves us best. Thank You, Lord!

God is faithful,
j

The Weekly Encourager – January 5, 2018 – The Crown

January 05, 2018 by Janet A. Marney

Have you seen “The Crown” on Netflix? It's an absorbing drama about Queen Elizabeth II and her husband Prince Philip. After Season 2 was released, some people were eager to correct mistakes in the Netflix rendition. While it was based on historical events, I had no illusions about every detail being entirely factual. This is entertainment, folks, not fact.

Halfway through Season 2 of “The Crown,” it was Christmas Eve. That evening, a good friend wore a shirt with a large, colorful crown on it. After the year I've had, seeing the Crown of Life depicted in such a beautiful way brought tears to my eyes. Like “The Crown,” this rendition was only an artist's interpretation of events. But the concept was based on fact from an unerring irrefutable source, the Holy Bible. No media personality is going to write a blog post pointing out inaccuracies. This art was not entertainment, but edification: a reminder of truth to give us hope.

No matter what kind of year you've had, there is hope! God promises “Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.” - James 1:12 How appropriate to consider the crown of life on Christmas Eve! This is what it's all about, all the grief and all the joy: living for the crown. Because the King of Kings came to earth to wear – for us – the horrible crown of thorns, we can look forward to a royal crown of life in eternity. From His suffering will come our joy.

I've been comparing and contrasting Queen Elizabeth's crown with the one God promises. In the Netflix series, the writers depict the constant duty of a modern monarch. Service rules her entire life, influencing every decision. As followers of Christ, diligent service to God should permeate our whole life. Also, the queen's calling is stressful: her life seems full of landmines both political and personal. In a broken world, you can expect problems from your closest relationships to the most distant parts of your realm. That much is similar to what we have in our lives. However, worldly kings and queens will not carry their crowns into eternity. They work “with strict discipline...for a crown that is perishable, but we do it for a crown that is imperishable.” - 1 Corinthians 9:25. In Heaven, the first shall be last. If Queen Elizabeth has a high rank in that place, it will a reward from God for faithful service to His crown. She must bow to a higher throne.

One interesting aspect of the Netflix series is the essential importance of Balmoral Castle in Scotland. This royal home is where the queen retreats for short periods to rest. The highlands seem to be the one place where she can relax and truly be herself. For us, the prayer closet is our Balmoral. To live for the crown, it is essential that we go there on a regular basis. We retreat to the “high places” to find God “in the mountain of His holiness.” Private prayer is the one place where we can truly be ourselves in every aspect, free to express any thought or feeling or desire or heartache. In God's holy presence we are fully known, yet fully forgiven and fully loved. We dwell on the holy mount now only in prayer, but one day we will dwell there in body and soul. We will enjoy the privileges of royalty forever!

How can this be true? That is the miracle of Christmas: God loves us. In the Bible we read that the Lord “made [us] a little lower than the angels and crowned [us] with glory and honor.” - Psalm 8:4; Hebrews 2:7. This is the God “who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy.” - Psalm 103:4. Jesus, the High King, says, “Do not fear what you are about to suffer….Be faithful unto death, and I will give you the crown of life.” - Revelation 2:10.

O Lord, “You crown the year with Your goodness, and Your paths drip with abundance.” - Psalm 65:11

Happy New Year! Live for the crown!

God is faithful,
j